Lesson 2: Assertiveness
D. Knowing When & How
to Set Limits with People:
Taking Care of Yourself
Often in our busy lives, we
forget to take care of oursleves first.
In reality, we need to be gentler with ourselves. We need tothink
of unstructured time as not necessarily
being lazy, but just time when we don't
have as much structure. Sometimes
when I'm in an unstructured mode I think
that I'm not being productive. That
leads to self-destructive self-talk.
I start telling myself that I'm not a productive
person. That kind of internal voice ends
up threatening our self-image and makes
us feel pretty bad about oursleves.
Self-talk
is very important. Psychologist David Burns
suggests that our feelings are guided by
the way we talk to ourselves. In
the book, Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy, he includes
examples of cognitive therapy. He
teaches us that by changing the way we think,
we can alter our moods, deal with emotional
problems, and get rid of depression without
the use of drugs. He's a psychiatrist
who outlines a systematic program for controlling
thought disorders that can lead to pessimism, lethargy, procrastination,
and low self-esteem.
It's important to realize
that just because I feel lazy now doesn't
make me a lazy person. Sometimes I'm
need unstructured time and other times we need structure. Neither
one is bad. Enjoying ourselves sometimes
requires setting limits with other people
about our time and our needs. In
this section, I'd like you to consider ways that you can set limits
a little more effectively so that you can take care of yourself.
Who in your
work do you habitually make
their needs more important than yours,
go too far, or take advantage of you?
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In what ways do you
allow yourself to be treated less
respectfully than you would like to
be at work?
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What are the limits
you would like to set with these people
and situations?
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What is preventing
you from expressing your needs openly,
firmly, and calmly?
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What positive "self-talk" could
you create to enable you to improve
your limit setting with others?
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Reminder: Be sure
to print this page before moving on.
The program will not save your entries
as this is a practice exercise for your
reference. |
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